this beer tastes like vomit already
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
