Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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