Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
