; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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