Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
