I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
