a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
