i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
