Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
