Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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