ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
