Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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