And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
