I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
