a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
