just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
