just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
