I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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