My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
