there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Randomize
