we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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