He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
