He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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