Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
