Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
