I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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