I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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