Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
