Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
