A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
