Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
