you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
