I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
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Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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