the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
