is your mom at the bar?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
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Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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