My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
