dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm bleeding and have questions
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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