Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
