the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
