Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
