Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
