Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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