So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
