So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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