Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
