matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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