You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
