No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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