In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize