Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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