he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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