Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
