Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
