Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
