RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
