Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
