Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
