Moan for me like Helen Keller
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
