we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
