i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
