Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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