I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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