I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
