I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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