I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
