What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
