my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
