I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
