Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
