so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
