Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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