she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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