If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
