Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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