Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Too much gin, very little bucket
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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