the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
