I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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