So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
