We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
