Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just invented taco cereal.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
