Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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