this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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