So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Randomize
