so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
