I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
