Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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